Our five-year old took this picture of me. He watched me have a hard day, and he also endured the wrath of his tired momma. It was one of those days where everything you do feels like failure, and you feel like an impostor, hiding behind a mask. There was nothing I could do right, my hope was almost lost. I was so done with the day, and as I sat in a heap of self-pity on the floor, I pulled my bible near.
I turned to Romans and I read Paul’s words, and I heard the frustration in his voice. He got it. He knew that annoying, never-ending feeling of not being able to get it right.
Romans 7:15-20 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”
I mean, does anyone else feel like that? Man, these days are long, and sometimes a momma has had all she can take. But even with the mess of that day, there’s something that stood out to me. This picture. Grady watched as I struggled throughout the day, and he watched as I snapped with my short fuse, and then he watched where I turned to for help. He saw that his momma couldn’t do it on her own, and he saw where she went to for strength and comfort. Our children know we aren’t perfect, and they’re going to look to us on how we handle our shortcomings. I don’t want to just tell my children to go to Jesus, I want to show them.