I have no idea how high we are in the air right now, but I know it’s at least 10,000 feet. Jake and I are flying to Washington D.C. for a farm bureau leads trip. I’m excited, but nervous leaving the boys for so long. They are in great hands and I know are going to have a blast while we are gone, but this momma heart is sure going to miss them.

Sitting on the plane waiting for take off had me thinking about all of the what-ifs that could happen. What if our plane crashes and the boys are orphaned. Or worse, what if something happens to one of the boys while we are gone. I kept thinking about what would we do and how would we be able to get home right away. Those thoughts creep into your mind and they snowball out of control. It’s a dangerous game.

I know that those thoughts aren’t from the Lord. He isn’t planting that worry and anxiety in my head, the enemy is. If our plane is destined to go out in a fiery crash, then my worrying isn’t going to stop it. But my worry will affect my trip, which is exactly what the enemy wants. He wants me on edge, short with Jake and no patience from being mentally exhausted from battling with myself. Almost five days alone with Jake and no kids is either going to be good for our marriage or make us grumpy. I choose to use this trip to strengthen our relationship and get back to the basics of knowing each other as husband and wife and not just busy mom and dad.

I know that I have no guarantees that something won’t happen on this trip. Nothing is a guarantee in life and even if God forbid something should happen, God is still good.

I spent last weekend on a girls trip to Dallas attending the Hopespoken conference, and it completely changed my perspective on how I look at trials and suffering. I know that it was a Good thing that I went to that before our trip, because I can now look at things differently and be okay with letting go of the things that bind my heart.

The biggest ah-ha moment I had while at Hopespoken, was that God doesn’t bring the suffering, he redeems it. I have been tip-toeing through life just waiting for God to throw something big at us to test our faith, or prove some sort of point to us.

While, yes, God lets us go through those valleys, desserts, and dark times, he is still there with us as we go through it. Instead of letting us suffer alone, he goes beside us and carries us. Maybe he doesn’t always pull us out because the redeeming of the suffering will be much greater than had we not experienced it to begin with. He brings a greater good out of it. I don’t have many answers, and I don’t know God’s plan, but because of the stories I heard last weekend and the attitude of women who had been through incredible heartbreak, I had all the evidence I needed that no matter what, God is always good.

I hope that I never endure the heartache that some of those women have gone through, but if I do I pray I may have the same outlook and trust as them. To know there will always be pain and suffering in this life, yet God can take that pain and use it for good, is a peaceful thing to know.

Now I am going to get off of here, enjoy a rum and coke, and try to ignore this turbulence.