Want to love your spouse better?

We so often get messages on the blog and social media about marriage and how Jake and I brought our marriage from the brink of destruction to the strong, beautiful marriage we have today. Every time we get that question, I so wish that I could take that person out for coffee and have a face to face conversation. Since that isn’t realistic, I’m going to give you our top 3 ways you can love your spouse better, which helped our marriage immensely.

1. Pray for them. Constantly

When our marriage was right on the edge of destruction, Jake and I were not equally yoked. I had run back to Jesus and clung tight to my faith, only to look back and see him standing still. We were not on the same page spiritually, and that made things worse.

I had tried to win him over with arguments, historical facts, statistics, and everything else I could think of to convince him why he should love God. Not surprisingly, none of those things worked. How could I convince my husband to be a Christian when: 1) He wasn’t seeing the fruit in my life that I was claiming 2) I am not the one who should be convincing him 3) I spent more time arguing, than praying.

One day I sat at my dining room table and read the bible verse 1 Peter 3:1, that says, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”

First, let’s address that when that verse is talking about submitting to your husbands, it is not telling you to be a doormat. What that verse is saying, is that if your husband isn’t a believer, don’t tell him why he should be, but show him why he should be.

I read that verse over and over again, and I changed the battle plan for my marriage. Then, I asked God to change my heart and to let my husband see the changes in me, and I constantly prayed for him. I quit nagging, I gave grace, I asked forgiveness when I needed it, and gave forgiveness when he did.

Today Jake is a baptized believer and an incredible man of God. Bringing God to the center of our marriage set the foundation for everything else to fall into place. If you want to love your spouse better, commit to praying for them every day.

2. Analyze your unmet expectations

So many women (and men) often tell me that when a situation beyond either spouse’s control goes awry, they take it out on their spouse. Plans change, something falls through, hopes get let down, we take out our frustration on our spouse in the form of snippy comments and attitude.

I will be the first to admit just how bad about this I have been. I know that Jake is the person that will forgive me and love me despite my shortcomings. For so many years though, I used that as my excuse to treat him unfairly.

Anytime something fell through, I would unfairly unleash my frustration on him.

I have been praying recently for God to reveal my sin struggles and to help me grow. A few days ago Jake called me and gave me some news that was not what I wanted to hear.

Normally I would have been short with him, but instead, I said, “I need a minute.”

Twenty minutes later he called back and asked if I was ready to talk. I said, “Yes. I’m not mad at you or upset with you, but I knew that if I didn’t get off the phone I would take it out on you and I didn’t want to do that.”

I realized that my unmet expectation was the source of painful emotions, but I also realized that my outlet to release that frustration didn’t deserve to go to my husband.

It’s often our natural reaction to take out our frustration on the people we love most, but that doesn’t mean it’s too late to change that. If you want to love your spouse better today, take a moment and realize if your unmet expectation is with them or if it’s something they have no control over.

And if the unmet expectation is with them, calmly talk to them about it and give them the opportunity to meet you in the middle with grace and understanding.

James 2:13 “For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.”

3. Tell them you love them.

I realize that this one seems like a no brainer. My husband knows I love him, and your spouse probably knows you love them, also. When was the last time you really told them how much you loved them, though?

Today I challenge you to tell your spouse just how much you love them, and some of the reasons why you love them.

Tell them what they mean to you and that you appreciate them. Think about how it makes you feel when they voice that to you and go tell them.

Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

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